From an Internet, fraught with danger, one villain braves the void to bring you...The Digital and Drac Pagecast!
This is the Digital and Drac Pagecast for Wednesday May 30th, 2018 and show number 151.5 is go!
>I am your host, Draconick.
>And I am the one called Draconick.
>And I am Insert Draconick here.
Hello everyone, and welcome. With our brave heroes away, I am here to bring you some absolutely villainous advice. Today's show topic: How to be the worst GM possible.
First and foremost, the best way to be a bad GM is to make the game entirely about your own pleasure. Ignore any player input ever. They are puny mortals beneath your notice. Only the will of a superior overlord such as yourself should be known. Ignore their cries for balanced encounters and for fulfilling roleplaying scenes.
But your iron-fisted rule cannot stop there. Punish them for even the slightest transgressions. If someone has the nerve to be five minutes late to the game, have all of the monsters attack them first. If the players want to take a short rest between encounters, have their characters be ambushed without fail. How dare they slow down the pace of your game.
And never give your players any loot. If they somehow manage to kill any of your minions, have the weapons and armor of your fallen soldiers turn to ash before your PC's eyes. Or better yet, have all items be mimics. Not even a well equipped party can handle a flood of mimics. And you'll make sure that they are never well equipped. MUHAHA!
In fact, do not allow the PCs to progress at all! They should never level. In doing so, they can never rise to become a threat to your rule. Withhold all XP from your players, unless they should amuse you greatly. Then you may deign to throw them tokens of your esteem in 5XP increments. Any more, and they will get it into their thick skulls that they are somehow worthwhile to your game.
With your players no longer a threat, it is time for you to begin practicing the darkest of arts of the dungeon master. Before the session, be sure to get absolutely no rest and do absolutely no planning of any kind. For best results, don't even bother to learn the rules of the game system you're playing. None can stand against such dark rituals.
For added malfeasance, severely limit what the party can and cannot play or do in game. Control their choices entirely and pigeonhole them into your extremely narrow idea of the game. The only way to properly break in an evil slave or minion is to break their spirit and be completely inflexible. Give no quarter or compromise, the party must obey.
And if any should dare oppose you. Kill them. Kill them all. They will tremble before your mighty and terrible power! No one can stop you! Not even three foolish digital heroes! MUHAHA!
By decree of your evil overlord, your enjoyment of this and the rest of the content by Digital & Dice is mandatory. If you would like to read seditious materials on this topic from a heroic perspective, you can find them at "GM vs Player- The Most Dangerous Game" on my personal blog, but you will be monitored for signs of disobedience. While the Digidicers are away, the Dragon will play...
- Draconick, Digital and Dice Contributor (And Villain)
Please don't take this advice seriously. This is satire. We want GMs to be good people. I hope you enjoyed the parody post for today, and I hope that our heroes return soon alive and well. Until next time...Game on Internets!
I, Nick “Draconick” Johnson, am a writer and roleplaying enthusiast with over ten years of experience in various tabletop roleplaying games both as a player and as a GM. I am also somewhat involved in other forms of tabletop gaming such as wargaming, board games, and card games. It is my hope that by creating and maintaining this website that I can share my unique take on all things within our hobby and to foster a community of like-minded individuals.